Never Have I Ever

- We're gonna play a game. It's called "Never Have I Ever."

And here's how it works.

I'm gonna ask a series of questions.

Please pass these down.

Take one and pass it down.

And I'll play along with you.

I'm gonna ask a question,

and we will all answer "I have" or "I have never."

And the first one is,

"Never ever have I been to a nude beach."

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- All right. - Okay, put it down.

- "Never ever have I been arrested."

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

"Never ever have I gotten a tattoo that I regret."

[laughter and applause]

"Never ever have I joined the Mile High Club."

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- Ah.

[chuckles]

[cheers and applause]

- Ah. [laughs]

"Never ever have I lied to get a job."

- [laughing] Oh, come on.

- How would you lie...

- I lie constantly to get a job.

- "Never ever have I gotten out of a speeding ticket

by being a celebrity."

[audience shouting]

[applause] - No.

Really? No.

- "Never ever have I forgotten the name of a date."

[audience murmuring]

Like-- like while you're with them?

I don't understand that--

- Yeah, that's difficult. - While you're with them?

- While you're with them? - That would be really horrific.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

[laughter]

Yeah. - [chuckles]

- No, I've never-- - [laughing]

- Ah. - Yeah.

- "Never ever have I seen

one of my 'Mortdecai' costars naked."

audience: Ooh.

- Yeah. [laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- You've all seen each other naked.

"Never ever have I lied on a talk show."

[laughter]

- [laughs] I don't believe you.

I just don't believe.

- "Never ever have I sexted."

audience: Ooh. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, no, I haven't done that.

[cheers and applause]

- [chuckles] Wow.

- "Never ever have I said a baby was cute

when it was obviously ugly."

[laughter]

Yeah. [applause]

- Almost all the time.

[chuckles]

- That's it.

"Mortdecai" opens in theaters Friday.