Funny Hugh Laurie & Stephen Fry comedy sketch! 'Your name, sir?'

30

Stephen: And your name is?

Hugh: Right. Hold on a second.(Hugh gets a lighter out of his pocket)Ready?

Hugh: My name is Derek…(Hugh drops the lighter onto the counter)

Stephen: What are you doing?

Hugh: That's my name.

Stephen: What is?

Hugh: This. Derek…(Hugh drops the lighter again)

Stephen: That's your name?

Stephen: What? Derek (Stephen drops the lighter)… is your name?

Stephen: What kind of name is that?

Hugh: Well it's my name.

Stephen: Unusual, isn't it, Mr… (Drops lighter)?

Hugh: If I had a pound for every time someone's said that…

Stephen: And how do spell…(Drops lighter), Mr…(Drops lighter)?

Hugh: It's as it sounds.

Stephen: Uhuh. Yeah but I wonder if you'd mind actually spelling it for me, would you?

Hugh: Well I mean, can't you just…

Stephen: I'd be very grateful. If you wouldn't mind.

Hugh: N-I-P-P-L hyphen E.

Stephen: Nipple.

Hugh: I beg your pardon?

Stephen: Nipple.

Hugh: Nipple? Where? What are you talking about?

Stephen: N-I-P-P-L-E…

Hugh: Hyphen E.

Stephen: Hyphen E… spells Nipple. In my book. It does not spell…(Drops lighter).

Hugh: Have you gone mad? What's the matter with you? I thought the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law enforcement unit. You can't even spell.

Stephen: Alright, Mr Nipple, address? (Hugh looks around.)

What's your address?

Hugh: Are you talking to me?

Hugh: You want to know my address?

Stephen: Please.

Hugh: Or do you want to know Mr Nipple's address, whoever he is?

Stephen: Your address please, sir.

Hugh: Alright. My address is Number twenty-two…(Hugh tapdances, slaps Stephen)

… Kings Lynn.

Stephen: Now watch it.

Stephen: Just watch it.

Hugh: Watch what, for heaven's sake?

Stephen: You do realise, do you, that assaulting a police officer is an extremely serious offence?

Hugh: Yes, I imagine it probably is. Very serious. But telling a police officer your address, on the other hand, is probably not very serious, is it? Or is it? Perhaps the law's changed since I last looked. Perhaps the Home Secretary has had to take stern measures against the rising tide of people giving their address to policemen whenever they're asked to.

Stephen: Alright. Alright. My fault. Ask a stupid person and you get a stupid answer.

Hugh: I beg your pardon?

Stephen: So, can I just check this with you, Mr…(Drops lighter)… ?

Stephen: Just to make sure I've got this right. Your address is… number twenty-two…(Tapdances, punches Hugh)… Kings Lynn?

Hugh: No, no, no! What's the matter with you? Are you deaf? It's…(Tapdances, slaps Stephen)… Kings Lynn.

Stephen: Oh I'm sorry. I though you said…

(Tapdances, punches Hugh)

… Kings Lynn.

Hugh: Well I didn't.

Stephen: My apologies sir. I can't read my own writing.

Hugh: Well get a typewriter.

Stephen: If only we could afford it. Actually, at some angles, this almost looks like… twenty-two…(Tapdances, hits Hugh with a cricket bat)… Kings Lynn.