Honest Trailers - 300
We've made 50 of these dumb things!
From the guy who made Batman comics cool again
and the guy who’ll probably make Batman movies suck again
comes a film based on a graphic novel
based on ancient Greek propaganda
Before the release of the unnecessary sequel on a boat
revisit the movie that made guys everywhere feel really out of shape.
Meet the Spartans, a society built on reason,
Led by Leonidas, cinema’s yelliest king
Who hails from the Scottish part of Greece?
"We've been sharing our culture with you all morning."
Watch as Leonidas and his 300 closest gym buddies stand against the might of Xerxes,
a hairless giant with an entire jewelry store on his face
and a voice that sounds like he’s in the witness protection program.
"I will erase even the memory of Sparta from the histories."
Lace up your sandals for a blend of historical truth and Zack Snyder nonsense,
and actual Persian fighting units
With mutant Persian goat men? Huh?
Oil up for the most confusing thing to happen to teenage boys since calculus class,
full of homoerotic undertones like
Men getting speared with phallic objects
Men holding men tenderly from behind
Men getting all wet in the rain
Men getting all sweaty on the beach.
Men playing two flutes at the same time
"Your Athenian rivals will kneel at your feet if you will but kneel at mine."
And a male-to-female nipple ratio of 600 to 4.
Man, I haven’t seen a movie this deep in the closet since Top Gun!
So get pumped for a dumb movie that’s only cool because of Zack Snyder’s bag of overused
Come on! I might as well be reading the book!
6 through 300
One cool looking movie and now he gets to make Batman vs. Superman? Great.
Thanks for watching our 50th Honest Trailer.
Who knows - maybe someday we'll make it to 300!